Moment of Peace

I love my children. I love them more than anyone in this world. Last Sat. Felisha attended a birthday/slumber party for her best gf in GV. After droping her off I cleaned my car and took Braden out for dinner, dropped him off at his dads then came home and crashed (in Felishas bed none the less). I didn't call anyone. I didn't go out with anyone. I didn't do anything. And I was fine with that. I find myself alone again this Sat. night as Felisha is an amazing girl and makes great friends so easily that after only a few days at her new school she has been invited to spend the night at a new pals house. We spent the day sleeping in until the phone guy came, then cleaned up the place (or I did anyway) then shopped around for phones and stuff. At Bed Bath & Beyond I found this voice changer and was playing with it. After deciding to purchase the thing she looked at me and said something along the lines of being so glad I saw the thing and how it was so nice to have such a fun mom. Some kids say things like that because of what they are getting but this was more than that. This was deeper and was about more than a silly toy. Driving home and walking up the stairs she couldn't stop talking about how funny I sounded saying her name through it. I guess it's the little things that amaze both of us. So as the voice changer lay on her bed unopened as she's at her new gal pals I'm home alone again. Almost a repeat of last Sat. I didn't call anyone. I didn't do anything. I could have went out and done something but instead chose to go to bed from pure exhaustion. I'm tired all the time. I'm tired of all the lows and fights and stress. After waking and going through a much needed crying spell I look around and am at peace for a moment. My doors are locked as I'm safe and secure in my own place and I can shut my phone off and avoid any unwanted arguments. So as I sit here alone (on a Sat. night none the less) I feel ok. I know that my daughter is having a good time and that my son has a nice warm bed to sleep in and as I sit here doing nothing I'm carefree. I'm not stressing about anything at the moment. And that feels good for a change.